I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
