there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
ttyl tear gas
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I wear drunk well.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
