Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
