Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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