Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
