My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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