I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
