cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
