Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Sorry about my life...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
