oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
