Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
