I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
