Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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