I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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