does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
