I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize