currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Drunk is a universal language darling
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