if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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