Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
