You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Randomize
