I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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