I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
