i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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