yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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