it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
