they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
