just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
