i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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