he wants to bone in the snuggie
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize