so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
