can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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