I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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