i barfeds in our rink
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize