"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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