Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
