the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
