no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
