i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
