I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
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I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
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I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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