great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I want a musical about memes.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
