Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
