We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
