so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
