operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
