3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.