Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement