I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.