this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.