So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
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they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
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he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.