I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
