A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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