is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
