Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
