Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
