I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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