I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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