Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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