Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
