I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
