I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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