Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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