I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
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I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
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But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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