dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
