I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
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i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
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It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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