OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's blow job season.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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