Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
