dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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