I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
