I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
