i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
