I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
