I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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